This is where bad sales emails come to die.

 

If you or your salespeople are sending anything

like what you see below, you need me.

These are actual emails that I have received within the past few months. Names have been removed to protect the poor souls who are definitely not reaching their revenue goals. 

Hi Charlene ,

I have tried contacting you 3 times now since we connected on LinkedIn. I know you are busy, but I do think it will be well worth your time for us to explore opportunities that we can both benefit from.

I can't tell you how often I have not followed up and then wondered "Did I let another opportunity fall through the cracks?" So I thought I would try one more time to set up a quick discovery call with you.

If I don't hear back from you about setting up a meeting, you won't hear from me again. 


All the best,
Name
Email

CAUSE OF DEATH:  Thought they were the center of the universe. They were wrong. There's a black hole somewhere out there with a direct connection from your pipeline to this type of email. When leads suddenly disappear, this is the first place to look. Every sentence starts with the word 'I.' In other similar examples, you'll also see We, Our, My, and the name of your company or solution. Also, if you have a sincere concern that a prospect might fall through the cracks, that means you need a better process. (Mindset, Message, Method = my jam.)

Reincarnation Update: Despite the closing promise, I did hear from him again. Like a bad soap opera, he came back from the dead with a case of amnesia. And then he died again. 

Greetings I am writing this letter to submit an interesting proposal which will make it possible benefit for us I connected with you on LinkedIn earlier, I didn't want to contact you on LinkedIn so i decided to contact you on your personal email.

I hope that we will be able to work together in a manner that is advantageous for the both of us.

Sincerely 

Name

CAUSE OF DEATH:  Dead on arrival.

 Charlene,

 

Once again, it’s <Name> , V.P. of Business Development at <Company>.
 I absolutely hate being that guy that makes you sigh when you hear my voicemail.
 
 Charlene, I feel I would be doing you a disservice, though, if I didn’t persist in my efforts to connect with you. Especially since so many of our advisors achieve their goals in such a short amount of time.
 
However, I totally understand if you’re not in any position to look at how we can help you. Just let me know what you would like to do. That way, I know how to proceed. Just reply with 1, 2, 3 or 4.
 1.     Please keep trying to reach me.
2.     Please call me in a few weeks
3.     Please call me back in a few months.
4.     Just wanted the documentation.
5.     Not interested at this time.
 
Best Regards,
Name

P.S. Success

<12 lines of contact info. including: Name, Title, Company, Address, Phone 1, Phone 2, His email, Sent to My email, Company name (again), Address, United States plus Don't want future emails? Unsubscribe>

CAUSE OF DEATH:  Being "icky salesy." This is an example of an email from someone who probably believes they know how to write a good sales email. It's over-processed and cheesy. Somewhere, I have a similar one that mentions an alligator. Note the lack of formatting on my name; clearly a bad cut and paste job. Also, my experience is that the number of contact lines in someone's email is directly correlated to the size of their ego. It's even worse if they also have their name and title as the first line of the email. (Don't ever do that.) Even though he's trying to backhandedly make it about being helpful, it's actually all about him. This email makes me want to take a shower.

Good Afternoon,

 

Reaching out to see if you need bookkeeping services. Please take a look at my website <LINK>. Let me know if you would like to meet.

 

Have a great day!

 

Name

<contact information

more contact information

more contact information
more contact information

more contact information

more contact information>

CONFIDENTIAL COMMUNICATION
E-mails from this firm normally contain confidential and privileged material, and are for the sole use of the intended recipient. Use or distribution by an unintended recipient is prohibited, and may be a violation of law. If you believe that you received this e-mail in error, please do not read this e-mail or any attached items. Please delete the e-mail and all attachments, including any copies thereof, and inform the sender that you have deleted the e-mail, all attachments and any copies thereof. Thank you.

CAUSE OF DEATH: Didn't care if she lived or not. Transactional, lazy approach; counts on someone knowing they need these services, don't have them already, and are actively looking. In my case, I have a bookkeeper. There are multiple ways she may have opened an opportunity for me to make a switch. Lost opportunity. Contact information longer than the body of the email. (The disclaimer is mildly entertaining if you actually read it, particularly in context of this email. If only it were possible to unread some of these emails.)

Hi Charlene,

 

It was a pleasure meeting you at <Event> this weekend! Let me know if you have some time in the next few weeks to discuss how my company could help grow your business. We'd be happy to assist you in your areas of need. Let's chat soon!

 

Cheers,

Name

CAUSE OF DEATH:  Amnesia and apathy. Vague, standard email shows he probably doesn't actually remember meeting me at all. Call to action is also vague and weak. "Coming weeks" and "soon" translate to "never." I will never let him know.

Hi Charlene, 

I haven’t heard back from you. 

Are you free for a few minutes next week?  Here’s my calendar link.

Best,

Name

Name with Last Name
Financial Advisor

 

<15 lines of contact information, logo, links, and disclaimers>
 

CAUSE OF DEATH:  *Moment of Silence*  Such a short email, and yet, literally every line is saying, "Please don't never do business with me."

Hi Charlene,

It's me, <Name>, again! Sorry to bother you. I wanted to reach out one last time to see if I can get 15 minutes of your time to demonstrate how <Company> can help you with your recruiting challenges. I promise to be brief, and really believe you will find this is well worth your time. Can we please set up a quick call?

Best,

Name

CAUSE OF DEATH:  Never believed he was actually alive. His previous email was similar, and started with "I'm sorry to trouble you...." The poor guy is practically begging for someone to validate his existence. Awesome example of someone who hasn't internalized the mission and value of the business. Great candidate for mindset training. 

Dear Charlene,

As we like helping companies grow whenever we can, we were just wondering if your company, or any company you know of, can use some business  help? If so, you can just let us know by replying to this email, and a good reward is in store if you are referring a company to us that you are not affiliated with!

Thanks,

Name of Company (corny catch phrase)

CAUSE OF DEATH:  Lack of focus. First, when someone says "you or someone you know" that means they don't know who they are targeting as an ideal customer. This is a revenue death knell. It's also why a lot of my business lives at the intersection of sales and marketing.
Second, don't even get me started about the run-on sentences.

CAUSE OF DEATH:  The sender below wrote his own eulogy, and it's long. So long. Nobody wants to read this thing, so here's the rough translation: 
I meant to email you about me. I don't usually email people about me, b
ut I believe you should be interested in me. Me, me, me. About me. Long list of generic benefits that should sound impressive. Big name drop. I'm reaching out because you should want to learn more about me and how smart I am. No really, I'm great. Let me tell you more about me. But don't just believe me, here are other people who think I'm great. Let's set up a time to talk about me. If you're as important as I am, you have an assistant. By the way, I'm so busy talking about myself to other people that I only 15-20 minutes for you.
PS: I live for external validation.

 

Hi Charlene, 

I’ve been meaning to reach out and introduce myself personally. I don’t normally reach out like this, but your profile caught my attention, and from what I can tell, I believe we should be doing business together. (But I don’t want to be too presumptive)

My name is <Name> and I am CEO of <Company.> I help business owners, entrepreneurs and executives take their personal skills to the next level in areas such as <topic>, <topic>, <topic>, <topic topic> & <topic and topic> strategies & processes. This has made it possible for the thousands of business owners I’ve worked with to <benefit>, <benefit>, <benefit>, <benefit>, and <long wordy benefit>. That’s why people like <impressive name> and <unknown name> have trusted me as a business partner in growing an international consulting firm to $100M in revenue.

My reason for reaching out today is to see if you would be interested in learning more about what I do and how my team and I impact organizations like yours. Worst case, you will gain some key strategic insights I’ve gained from helping other CEOs and Owners accelerate their businesses. Best case, we find a few ways that we can work together profitably.

Would you be available to chat this or next week?

If it helps at all, here’s a bit more context/background to help you determine if a conversation would be worthwhile…

It’s my personal mission to transform the businesses and lives of CEO's and Business Owners, and that’s really the heart of why I’m reaching out. My experience growing the international consulting firm I mentioned above, provided me a tremendous amount of insight on how to specifically help CEOs and Owners “breakthrough” key areas in their business that are holding them back from their true success and potential.

Since then, I have leveraged that experience to help thousands of CEO's and Owners identify what they specifically need (personally and for their organization) to take their company through transformational growth and help them build the systems and processes needed to accommodate scaling at an accelerated rate.

<Half page worth of testimonials...>

Let’s set up a time to chat… Perhaps you could email me a couple of times that work for a 15-20 minute call in the next couple of weeks and my assistant or I will confirm the time. Or if you have an assistant, I’d be happy to coordinate upon an introduction.

Your company greatly interests me and I look forward to speaking.

Name

 

_______________________________________________________________________

Name, Title, Company

Links to Email & LinkedIn | Phone

Long Tagline

 

P.S. Testimonials

<Another half page of testimonials...>

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